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Taming the Fortnite Beast: Setting Sensible Limits For Your Kids

Let's just put it out there: I allow my child to play Fortnite. 

I am not crazy about the game (by any means), but it's something we are choosing to use as a learning experience with our 13-year-old son. It's building emotional capital and providing many opportunities for discussion.

The struggle is always there in parenting, isn't it? Do we engage in a certain cultural fad or do we say "no"? 

This post isn't debating whether or not children should be allowed to play Fortnite. That is a family by family decision. Rather, this post will give you a few practical tips for setting limits on playing time and how to handle this "beast".

Because let's face it, if you let this Fortnite thing get out of control it WILL control your child's life. It's a highly addictive game that expertly ropes kids into wanting MORE. 

Fortnite - What the "Experts" Say:

Several resources have helped my husband and me as we think about Fortnite and setting limits. 

As you decide what is best for YOUR child, you might want to consult some sources so you can be well informed:

I also wanted to share a piece of advice from our family friend, Jonathan Morrow. Jonathan is an author, speaker, and professor who specializes in equipping young people in their Christian Faith.

(Our boys happen to play Fortnite together, too!)

“While every parent needs to come to their own conviction on their kids playing Fortnite, (and give grace to those who disagree) we have decided to let our 13 year old son play with limits (typically no more than an hour at a time and not everyday) as he earns time through reading, exercising, and extra chores. Also he only plays squads with kids whose parents we know. Given how popular the game is, it is an excellent coaching opportunity with him about the power of media, the importance of self control, and how to approach entertainment with wisdom and from a biblical worldview. That’s how we are currently approaching it. ”
— Jonathan Morrow, author of "Welcome to College"

How to Set Sensible Fortnite Limits For Your Child


Know Your Child

Does your child normally OBSESS over things (chances are they will likely obsess over Fortnite!)?

What is their tolerance for violence? Will playing the game translate into a cranky, agitated child, or can they easily separate the video game world from the real world?

It is important to consider your child's temperament and tolerance as you think about Fortnite and as you decide if and how much you let them play. 

 

Know Your "Squad"

(I'm trying to be super cool and use some Fortnite lingo here.)

When playing with friends your child can form a "SQUAD" - essentially a team of their friends to work together in the game. 

One of the positive things I've found about Fortnite is that it allows my son to band together with his friends. For example, he met some boys playing flag football in the spring and now they stay in touch by playing Fortnite together. My son also plays with some homeschool friends of his. These moms actually text each other when the kids want to play Fortnite - so we know how long and who they are playing with!

Who is child your playing with? Who is in their SQUAD? Do you know the parents? Are you on the same page regarding limits with the game? 

 

The "If-Then" Deal

This summer it's been an if-then system for playing Fortnite. If you get all of your work accomplished, any additional chores, and have had physical activity, THEN you may play Fortnite. 

Most days that we aren't doing anything at all (and actually those are rare this summer), my son hasn't gotten to Fortnite until 4 or 5 in the afternoon - which leaves a short window of time to play until dinner. 

Perfect.

I hate to say that Fortnite has been a good carrot dangle, but it HAS. That's just the reality of where we are at right now and I'm admitting it.

Use the privilege of playing any video game as a reward for tasks completed.

Taming the Fortnite Beast


 

Have Ongoing Discussions

We talk about issues A LOT in our home. 

I love to engage my son in debates about Fortnite - why I might think it's bad and he thinks it is good. I showed him all of the comments on this Facebook post and got his reaction. We had some wonderful discussions!

I don't believe in a "my way or the highway" style of parenting, and the Fortnite issue has been no exception. As long as my son can respect our decisions and debate with us in a coherent and civil way I'm happy to engage with him! 

One way to parent teens effectively is to discuss issues s A LOT - give teens input and make sure you listen to and value that input. Fortnite gives us many opportunities for those discussions.

 

As Always, It's About Relationship & Modeling

Doesn't everything in parenting boil down to relationship?  Do we keep lines of respectful communication open with our kids? Are we there for them to show them we have their best interest at heart?

My husband has had Grant teach him how to play Fortnite and played with him. I have sat with my son while he's playing so I can see what it's all about. My son knows there are ALWAYS eyes close by. He isn't allowed to play when we no one is home. 

Are we parenting from a place of love and genuine caring rather than a place of fear and squirreling them away from "the world"?

Modeling responsible behavior is also key. Do we obsess over Words with Friends on our phones (ahem - me!)? Do we obsess over checking Facebook every free minute we have?

The Fortnite craze might just be a good reminder to us (parents) to check ourselves and our own obsessive tendencies when it comes to all things technology.

 

So, What Are the Limits?

After all of this I will tell you  our limits vary day by day. I don't have a set time limit in place. (One thing you will see about Fortnite is that you can't just SHUT IT OFF when mom says it's time to be done - that's hard to do because of the nature of the game.)

My strategy is to keep a child busy enough so they don't have much time left over to play Fortnite.

But, if it's a rainy day in the middle of the summer and they want to play with some good friends for two hours in an afternoon I'm OK with that. 

(We also have the ability to just make the internet magically stop working at our house, which is a lovely thing to have in place to simply prove a point every now and then. We rarely use it, though.)

When our regular school year begins we'll go back to our policy of NO video games during the week and limited time on the weekends. 

 

It is my hope that we are creating a culture of responsibility, discussion, and respect in our home. 

These limits apply to not only Fortnite, but a host of other technological "beasts" we are trying to navigate also.

Helpful Resources to Help Us Navigate These Waters

A Practical Guide to Culture: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s WorldScreens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless WorldThe Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper PlaceReclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age

 

 

Let me hear from you. Do your kids play Fortnite?

Why or why not? What are their limits?

Turning Back The Homeschool Clock

Our homeschool journey has been full of beautiful memories, powerful learning moments, and tons of laughter and love.

I can say with 100% certainty that home education has been the best path for our family. 

We've enjoyed setting our own schedule, pursuing each child's interests, and immersing our children in all things good and beautiful.  Everything we have done has served a purpose - sometimes not one I could immediately see - but ULTIMATELY I know it all works together for good.

In our new Classical Conversations community I have the joy of getting to know moms who are younger than me - moms who are just starting the homeschool journey.

I am in a new phase of homeschool life. As these moms are worrying about teaching children to read and what math program to choose, we are thinking about the SAT, Latin, and Chemistry!  It gives me a fresh perspective and also makes me think about what I would do as a new homeschool mom.

What if I could turn back the homeschool clock? What would I do differently?

Turning Back the Homeschool Clock: 5 Things I Would Do Differently

I know what you are thinking - it never pays to look back - only forward. I agree with you. In the interest of helping readers, however, I do believe self examination can help those who read this blog. 

As I look back I also see my own shortcomings, the grace that was given to me, and how much my whole family has grown in the process.

So this post not only celebrates our homeschool, but also seeks to point out the ways in which we could have changed and/or learned to make things better.

If I could turn back the homeschool clock I would...

 

Start Homeschooling From Day ONE!

It took us way too long to abandon the ideal of public school! I believe this is because the idea of a public education was deeply embedded in our thinking. We were raised in public schools. I worked in public schools.  We were highly invested in them, until we realized that investment didn't pay off for OUR children.

I had actually been homeschooling my children from birth and just didn't realize it.  I should have had the confidence to forge ahead and keep my sweet ones at home. 

What I say to younger moms is this:

You ARE enough.

You don't need a degree to teach your children.

Don't let society tell you they need to be away from you to thrive.

(As it turns out we had some wonderful preschool and early elementary teachers and also learned some hard lessons in school that helped us decide to homeschool. It all worked out -- but I still wish we'd started sooner!)

 

Be Strict About Math From The Beginning

This might sound contrary to just letting our kids be little - and I'm all for making math fun - but math is a subject that requires consistency and discipline from day one. 

It's extremely hard to back pedal in math - in fact... I think it's impossible.

We waffled between Horizons Math, various math workbooks, living math curricula, and math games. As my knowledge of Classical education increased, I realized that math drills every day, coupled with a good math program are what it takes to produce a student who is SOLID in math.

My youngest benefitted from this knowledge. He has used Saxon Math from the start and he is a good math student. We play games with math and read math storybooks, but the core of our math is sitting down and doing a Saxon lesson EXACTLY as it is prescribed in the book.

(You can throw tomatoes at me if you'd like.)

Over the past eight years we have only used Saxon math with my youngest. We have stressed neatness, diligence, showing your work, and a commitment to doing math every single day. 

I wish I would have done this with my oldest. 

(Side note: my oldest loves Mr. D Math and I am so thankful for his online math courses that clearly have created a successful math student! If you're searching for a math solution and your child is older, this is what I recommend.)

 

Read Aloud MORE to Older Kids!

I read aloud a lot when my children were little. 

(I asked them for this post and they agreed on their five favorite books:  Trumpet of the Swan,  Charlie & The Great Glass Elevator,  The Great Turkey Walk, Robin Hood, and the 26 Fairmount Avenue Series.)

When my oldest hit seventh grade, however, and we began a more structured program in Classical Conversations, I didn't think there was enough TIME to read aloud. This was a big mistake. I should have taken the time and continued to read aloud.

Once again, I learned my lesson after this and we now build time into our day (during Morning Time) to read aloud. This is a cherished time in our homeschool. The past couple of weeks we've been reading The Wednesday Wars and it's been SUCH fun! (Honestly, we've been laughing OUT LOUD as we read this book!) 

I'm amazed at how much my children love to be read to, and how much we laugh and joke about the books throughout the week. 

We're creating memories and connections through our read alouds, and this is especially important with our big kids! 

(Our three recent read alouds:)

Include More Art

Art isn't a subject I'm comfortable teaching. We dabbled in simple art here and there, but I could have done a better job with art instruction - and cultivating a love of art in my children.

We spent some time using Art For Kids, Chalk Pastels, and a few fun Ed Emberly Drawing books, but I would have done MORE. I would have sought out art lessons, carved out more time for art.

When the kids were older I discovered a great series of art appreciation books - and I wish we would have spent more time with those. 

Again, I cannot really turn back the clock, but I can suggest these things to YOU! 

 

RELAX.

It sounds so trite - maybe even oversimplified, right?

Relax. 

Who can relax when you have so many children to take care of - children whose education rests on your shoulders - children who need to get into college one day?

As I look back, however, I realize the importance of letting our children be little and staying in our own lane. Our MOST important job is to raise children who love God, love each other, and love to learn. We are raising our children to be confident, independent, and capable of following their own path.

Believe me, if they don't read until second or third grade they will be OK. If they never take a formal "test" until the sixth or seventh grade they will be OK. You will more than make up for any perceived deficiencies with the love, attention, and wonder you are giving them as you homeschool them. 

Play games with them. Read to them. Go on nature walks. Giggle. Bake. 

It's SO worth it.

As I'm getting ready to graduate one I can assure you that God's grace is sufficient and it's so true -- He fills in the gaps.

 

Look at these children - I have the joy and honor of schooling them. I've poured my heart and soul into them and I've loved (almost!) every minute. Homeschool is a GOOD thing. Aren't we lucky?

 

Turning Back the Homeschool Clock: 5 Things I Would Do Differently

If you could turn back the clock, what would you do differently? 

Leave me a comment below - let's support and encourage each other!

Turning Back the Homeschool Clock: 5 Things I Would Do Differently